mamax2

Last night was….interesting. I am more out of shape than even I thought possible. But, I stuck it out for the hour and feel really good that I did. I ended up jogging for 5 min. then walking for 2 min. alternating between the two for the whole 60 minutes. It was not that bad, I just remember the days that I could jog non stop for an hour and barely be winded. I will get back to that point again, I just have to work at it. My husband was pretty proud of me. He saw the sweat pouring off my head when I came back inside and was like “Whoa. You really did work out didn’t you” DUH! I wasn’t out there giving myself a pedicure!:) Anyway, I also realized that during the workout, I was able to think. Doing a video or something like that, I have to concentrate too hard on what’s coming next or what I’m supposed to do, so I don’t get to think about much else. To my surprise, during my run, I was able to clear my head. It was nice. So, maybe this is going to be good for me mentally as well as physically. I came in and took a shower, then started cooking dinner. I was really relaxed. I didn’t realize it, but my husband pointed out that I was humming while I was chopping the vegetables for the soup. I was in an unusually good mood. Must have been all those endorphines. So, tonight I’m gonna do the shred dvd. Then, tomorrow, another run. I’m actually looking forward to it instead of dreading it…..shocker.

I got to pick up my treadmill this weekend and we set it up in the  garage last night. I can’t WAIT for my husband to get home from work so I can go out there and run! I’m gonna stay on it for an hour, jog as much as possible, and walk when I have to. I’ve been eating pretty good today and drinking lots of water. I’m really excited to get started on the treadmill, though. I think it’s gonna be something I can stick to. I was thinking that I will do 1 hour on it Mon, Wed, and Fri. Then, on Tues and Thurs I will do Jillian’s 30 day shred dvd. That way I’m getting some weights in there, also. Oh, and I just have to mention that my Brother in law is now on his way home from Iraq! His feet will touch US soil sometime tonight!!! Hopefully he will make it home by Thanksgiving. We are so excited and so thankful for his safety. And, I can’t wait for my girls to see him! Especially Sarah. Rylee doesn’t know him yet, but Sarah ADORES him! She’s been saying he’s on an airplane coming to her “far away house”. She’s going to be so excited when he walks through the door!

That’s all for today. I’ll report back tomorrow on my first “run”!

I know I’ve gained a monstrous amount of weight since highschool, but I don’t know if I realized it was SO noticeable. I have a very dear friend–we’ve been friends since I was 8 years old–who is in Med school right now. I love him to death and I know that he would never say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings. But, last night he called to talk to my husband and I answered so we chatted for a little bit. Apparently his preceptor right now is a surgeon who specializes in lap band and gastric bypass. And, he-as casually as asking how my day went- says to me,”You know, I’m sure your BMI is high enough that you could get gastric bypass done. ” My mouth dropped open, but I couldn’t speak. Then he goes right into discussing the specifics of it. Now, I didn’t get mad. I knew he meant it to be totally innocent, but Dang! Do I have to talk to you about my BMI! I had at one time considered Lap Band, but found out that my insurance wouldn’t cover it b/c I didn’t meet all the criteria. My friend didn’t know this, though. I told him that my BMI was 37.8 and he said “Oh that’s definitely high enough.” REALLY?!?!?! Am I really having this conversation with you?!?!?! I told him how hard I was working to lose weight, and I guess that satisfied him, because he changed subject then. I know that I don’t want to end up ever having to consider that option. I know the risks and everything that goes along with it. But, JEEZ! That phone call from my friend had me up half the night thinking about how much I wish I could have something like that done and be at my goal weight in a year’s time! I even dreamed last night that I had it done and that I was in a dept. store buying size 2 jeans. My hair was also blonde in this dream and I KNOW that will NEVER happen…..again!LOL (embarrassing HA!) I don’t even know why I’m talking about this. I know he was just trying to be helpful, but I guess it just got me to thinkin’. Dangerous, I know! Surgery is NOT an option! I’m going to have to do this the old fashioned way.

Oh, btw, this same friend, did P90X and lost like 35 lbs. and has really toned up. He looks great, like he did in high school. But, I’m thinking P90X might be a little too hard core for me. Any of you try it and like it??

My Aunt has a treadmill that is practically new and she has barely used it. She offered to let me have it….for FREE!!! It’s going to be a couple of weeks before we get back down to pick it up, but I am really excited about it. I want to start running and if I can start out small on the treadmill and work my way up, that would be great! I have NO idea where I’m going to put it, though. My house has NO room for it. I might have to get rid of the couch just to put the thing inside.LOL Just kidding! I will probably have to put it in the garage and run on it out there, but that could be a good thing, b/c there are very few interruptions in the garage. I am thinking this will really help my workout routine…or lack thereof!

On the eating front…

Halloween was fun, but FULL of sugary sweets. Today has been ok, but not the best. It is officially grocery time at this house, so I’ll do much better eating right tomorrow after I’ve gone to the grocery store.

Hubby is still on board with me. I guess he’s really serious! I think that’s why he agreed to bring the treadmill up here. That is something he can do, too, and enjoy. Not like watching my macho man sweat to the oldies…he wouldn’t be caught dead working out like that. LOL

I also thought I would share a pic from Trick or Treating.

So, now my husband says he wants to do this with me. He has decided that he wants to lose about 20-25 lbs. before we go on our cruise next May. To me, that sounds like small potatoes compared to the -at least- 60 lbs. that I need to get rid of. Now, I’m looking at the pro’s and con’s that will be involved with him working to lose weight, too.

PRO’S

Being able to support eachother in the journey and not have it be one-sided

Being able to hold eachother accountable for what we eat and when we workout

Working out together

Being able to fix the same food for both of us and not feel like I’m cheating when I eat what he does

Obviously, getting healthier TOGETHER for ourselves and our babies…and eachother

Having a common goal to work toward together…the cruise

CON’S

He’ll probably reach his goal way before I do

He’ll only have to work half as hard to lose it twice as fast, which will discourage me

If I know my husband, and I do…he’ll want to cheat a lot. He has an insatiable sweet tooth and he loves fattening foods. And, he doesn’t really like drinking water. I’m afraid that I’ll want to cheat whenever he does.

I don’t quite know how this will work, he’s never done it before. But, we’re going to try it out and hopefully we can have a lot of success by motivating and encouraging eachother. He is an amazing source of strength for me, so I’m hoping that with him working hard with me, it will make me that much more determined to sitck to it. I would love it if we could go on this 5 year anniversary trip and both us look as good or better than we did on our honeymoon!!! We’ll see what happens, but overall, I am pretty excited that he wants to go down this road with me….even though, I think he looks perfect just like he is and doesn’t need to change a thing.

I have been MIA for a couple of weeks. Lots of stuff going on. And, I noticed when I wasn’t on here, I didn’t eat very healthy. I guss it really makes a difference having some place to hold yourself accountable. I have GOT to get back on track. So, I’m starting here…now.

This is a really hard time of year for me, and I can already feel myself getting into kindof a funk. And, when I’m sad, lonely, and/or depressed…I eat. I try to keep a handle on it, but sometimes it’s like I’m not even in my own body and have no control over it. I’m telling myself “Don’t eat that, you don’t need it”. But, it makes me feel good to eat whatever that thing is. At the time. Then 10 minutes after I’ve eaten it, I feel guilty and overall crappy, b/c I knew better. I eat junk when I’m upset, then I get upset because I ate junk. Vicious cycle. Anyway, I have to get my wits about me now. I can’t let this continue. I don’t want to undo what progress I’ve made anymore than I already have. I just don’t know what to do when I’m getting depressed like this. It’s not me. I’ll just be glad when January gets here and the holidays are behind me. I hate even thinking that. The holidays are supposed to be a wonderful, happy time, and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting to spend time with family and I LOVE Christmas morning with my husband and babies. I just need to get a grip! So, anyway, I’m back and have lots of catching up to do. Hopefully I can stay positive and actually lose some weight next week. ‘Cuz I KNOW I sure didn’t lose any this week.

This blog is, I think, for me to just get it out of my system more than anything. It’s really long…sorry.

Timeline: In Jan. of 2006 my Daddy was diagnosed with Lung cancer. In March of that same year, My husband and I moved 2 1/2 hours away. In May we found out we were going to have our first baby. Then, in October, my Daddy was hospitalized. He passed away on Nov. 27th 2006. Our daughter was born 6 weeks later.

Just this past July, my mom remarried. A man that I didn’t know. I had never met him when he proposed and had met him once, briefly, by the time they married. I am thrilled for my mother. I am glad that she has found love again. She grieved for my Daddy for a long time, and went to a very dark place after we lost him. So, to see her coming out of that, is a wonderful thing.

However…

I do not know this man. Yet, I am expected to love him. I don’t. Maybe…in time…I will learn to. But, he is NOT my Daddy and he will never replace my Daddy.

My Mom and I have always had a really good relationship. OPEN and HONEST with eachother about everything. I love that! I consider my Mom to be one of my very best friends. And, we have talked in depth about this….more than once. But, it’s like she gets amnesia everytime we’re around them and forgets how certain things make me feel.

I still miss my Daddy VERY much and need to be able to talk about him. Just about the little things that come up in everyday conversation. But, now Mom makes me feel like that’s not allowed. Anytime I bring him up, she is quick to change the subject. Like, for example, this afternoon, they came up for a short visit and we went out to dinner, but before we left I was making a grocery list. All I said was, “Remember how Daddy would go to the grocery store for milk and cheese and come home with $200 in groceries and have 5 different kinds of cheese!”  It’s not like I talk about him in every breath! Just, if something random brings him to mind. But, she shot me a look and changed the subject quicker than a snap! It hurt me. That’s all I can say. 

He was her husband for almost 36 years and I am their daughter. Why can’t she talk about him with me anymore??? She used to all the time.

Also, and then I’ll stop, I am not at the point where I am comfortable hearing my daughter call him “Papa Rick”. I’ve also in plain English expressed this to my Mom. Yet, everytime Sarah calls him “Rick”, my Mother corrects her and says “PAPA Rick”. What the Heck??? Are you not listening to a word I’ve said to you? I am devastated that my children are going to grow up without the incredible priviledge of knowing my Daddy. I never imagined anyone being a Grandaddy to them, but him. I want to bawl everytime I hear the words “Papa Rick” come out of Sarah’s mouth. I’m just not ready for that. My Daddy wanted so badly to meet Sarah. He would put his hand on my tummy and feel her kick and talk about how excited he was to be a Grandaddy. He never got that chance.  Now, I’m expected to just let this man I hardly know be her grandaddy. I’m Sorry if that’s not easy for me. I’m trying…I really am. And, in time, I’m sure I will warm up to it. I just feel like I am being forced into this situation and have absolutely no control over it.

There’s more than just these things, but I simply don’t have the energy to go into all of them. Those are the main two.

It’s these kinds of things that I wish I could call my Daddy on the phone and talk to him about. He’d know just what to say to make me feel better, to ease my mind, to encourage me. He always did. But, of course, if I could do that, this wouldn’t be a situation at all, would it?

ok…I’m done.

Breakfast:

1 scrambled egg

2 slices of 45 cal whole grain bread

1 slice of 2% cheese

Snack:

handful of almonds (roasted salted)

Lunch:

Lean cuisine Mac & Cheese

1 baked chicken breast (boneless skinless)

2 tbsp. A1 sauce

40 oz. of water

Dinner:

Salad w/ fat free italian dressing

homemade chicken alfredo…YUM! I can’t overdo it on this stuff!

Garlic bread…I’m not eating any of this.

40 oz. of water.

Exercise:

Walk 1 mile around neighborhood after dinner.

 I’m really trying to stay on track this week. Let’s hope it pays off Friday morning…weigh in.

Man, I didn’t know how hard the weekend was going to be! I slipped up more than once. And, I haven’t worked out in 4 days. I have got to get myself back on track before this week’s weigh in. I’m definitely not looking forward to it right this minute. Like I said, we had family up this weekend and they just went home yesterday. I also didn’t realize just how much this place helps me. I know I wanted to get on here at least 10 times a day and get myself refocused. I wanted to blog all weekend, but just didn’t get the chance. It seems like when they are here all we do is eat! While we are in the middle of one meal, we are discussing what we will do for the next one. Of course, it’s noone’s fault but mine. Today wasn’t much better. I was on the go ALL day and just didn’t eat right. Tomorrow is a new day….fresh, with no mistakes in it. First thing in the morning I am working out and I already have my meals for the rest of the week planned out, so I should be ok now. I know I’ll be home all day tomorrow, so I’m sure I’ll catch up on blog reading and everything then. Oh Lord, I hope I haven’t gained those 2 lbs. back already…

Weigh in was this morning and…whadaya know…I actually did lose 2 lbs. I am so excited! So, I’m down from 209 to 207. Two lbs. may not sound like much, but to me it means I hit my weekly goal, and I did it the right way. No diet pills. No crazy starvation diet. I ate healthy and exercised and the 2 lbs. I’ve lost that way feels better than if I had lost 10 lbs. any other way. I’m off to a good start this morning. I had an egg white omelet and an orange for breakfast. I have a busy day cleaning house and preparing for a weekend visit and football party tomorrow with my husband’s family. There’s gonna be lots of food tomorrow, I’m smokin’ a butt right now for barbecue! YUM! But, I think I have the momentum I need to not go overboard. Probably won’t be on here after today until Sunday, and I’m gonna miss it. But, I could just see me leaving my family in the living room and being all like, “Hey, I gotta go blog about my day”HA! Anyway, I am super excited about my weight loss and about becoming a member of the Wildcats! That’s all for now.